One of the biggest challenges during my Acoustic Neuroma diagnosis was feeling like a burden. My personality is one of helping and giving. I tend to be the person who takes care of others. I have more than my share of Protestant work ethic bred into me. And this tendency towards serving others means that I am absolutely terrible at receiving help.

When I am a patient or find myself in need of help, I struggle with feelings of uselessness and helplessness. I have to work hard to get the gumption together to ask for help, and then I struggle with feeling worthless when I receive it.

I loathed how my diagnosis negatively impacted my loved ones. Telling my family about my AN diagnosis is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I absolutely hated the strain placed on my partner when he had to be my caregiver as well as pick up my slack regarding child rearing and household chores.

However, I am extremely fortunate to have many amazing and caring people in my life. I have an absolutely fabulous community. My people find joy in being there for me and supporting me. They value me, and they want me to succeed – and that means they don’t mind pitching in when I really need it. They are looking for places to help and ways to ease my troubles. To me, it feels like an intolerable burden; but for them, it may only be a small accommodation they are happy to make.

I have to remember that my value is not in my health, my ability to produce, my work, etc. I am inherently of value. Everyone needs help sometimes. We all take turns being patients and caregivers at various times. An Acoustic Neuroma diagnosis is not a fault, not a mistake, it just is. My body can be flawed and wonderful at the same time. At this moment I will take help, and in another season I will happily contribute to the support of others.

While I would never wish this brain tumor on anyone, there can be some silver linings that come from the experience. I worried that my two-year-old child would be negatively impacted by having a mother with this diagnosis; but what I found is that she exhibited way more empathy and patience than you typically see from a toddler. I saw my child recommend I take a nap, or offer to help me, or just be extremely accommodating to my hearing loss. If anything, I think my brain tumor taught my child some wonderful life lessons.

You are worth it. Ask for the help you need. Remember that everyone needs support at times. Be patient and gracious with yourself and your caregivers. Humans are made to be a part of a community- no one can go it alone. In the hard times, loved ones are often looking for opportunities to support you. Give them the gift of feeling helpful.