The "Lucky" Brain Tumor

I believe we often have really unrealistic expectations regarding recovery and healing. When the doctor told me I would likely go back to work 6-8 weeks after surgery, I thought that meant I would be pretty well healed by then. I expected that healing would progress in a straightforward manner, getting better a little day by day. But that was not how recovery actually worked.

I think one of the hardest portions of recovery is how non-linear healing can be. There are days with big progress, days with no progress, days with backward steps- and they are all mixed up in the calendar. That is normal and hard. It can be really daunting when you have a hard day and things are worse than they were the day before. I promise it does get better.

In some ways, I do better mentally and emotionally at the beginning of recovery, when I can see my progress very vividly. Yesterday I was able to walk for five minutes, today I walked 8 minutes! The change is very obvious, and the gains feel huge. When I get to a certain point in recovery where I am doing significantly better but am not all the way done healing, I often experience a feeling of recovery plateau. I am still fatigued, I know I am improving somewhat, but the gains feel really small and incremental day to day. It’s only when I look back to the beginning that I can see how far I have come.

This is the point in recovery that I often become frustrated and overwhelmed. I become impatient with healing because I am better but not enough better. I feel stuck, even if I rationally know I am not. I have just enough energy to get antsy and cranky that I don’t feel all the way improved.

As frustrating as it can be, you will get through the recovery plateau and move on to more gains and finish healing. It feels unending, but you will get there. I believe it really does take more like 18 months to heal from something as big as an Acoustic Neuroma surgery. I know I felt improvement for that long. Nerves heal and grow slowly. 18 months can sound daunting, but it means that if you are 10 months out from surgery and unhappy with where you are, things are still improving and healing.

The following song is one of the best artistic representations of recovery I have ever found. Content warning: there is use of profanity in this video.