I often find that I have a lot of emotions during experiences when I struggle to hear. I will feel either frustrated, sad, lonely, despondent, or some combination of the above. My perception is always that everyone else is hearing just fine, but frequently, it is actually a situation where it is hard to hear and everyone is struggling to understand. I am extra sensitive to hard to hear situations because of my hearing loss, so I tend to assume it is my failing rather than the situation.

I’ve learned that, actually, we are currently on a trend of many hard to hear fads. Cultural norms are popularizing situations and styles that create bad listening acoustics. It’s not just me. It really is harder to hear in many situations.

For example, think back to the 1970s style supper club with low ceilings, carpeting everywhere, and booths. Now, picture a Chipotle with its high ceilings, hard chairs, hard floors, and shiny metal ductwork and walls. The old school supper club was so much better for hearing than a more modern styled restaurant. Also, playing music has become much more common, and many restaurants play it louder than they ought to for customers to be able to converse comfortably.

Another example of environmental style would be current popular home designs. Right now, everyone wants open concept rooms, high ceilings, and hard flooring. All of those options make noise bounce like crazy. My parents have a room in their house with a 2 story ceiling. They took out the carpet and put in hard flooring, and now Christmas conversations are twice as challenging to follow. I live in a ranch style home with small rooms, low ceilings, and carpet. While I used to think the style wasn’t cool, now I am grateful every day for my house’s quality acoustic setup.

At some events and locations, loud is just the ambiance. Places like sporting events, bars, or clubs are so loud that everyone has to work hard to hear. People believe that loud equals fun, or privacy, or inhibition. Or folks use music as a way to personalize their space. For example, when you visit a park and everyone wants their own music, each group turns up the volume to compete with those around them. In all of those situations, folks are intentionally creating a hard to hear environment.

Recently, it seems like everyone is using captions more for watching tv. I love that fad, as it makes me feel like asking for captions isn’t a big deal (and it isn’t). The video I link to below goes into an in-depth discussion of why the general public likes captions now. Essentially, there has been changes in the technology of how me make media as well as an increase in authenticity in style and dialect that has made it harder for everyone to understand what is being said- not just those with hearing loss.

I find that remembering that others are also struggling to hear can really help me with feeling down in those moments where hearing is really difficult. I will often ask my husband if he caught what was said, and if he tells me that it is really hard to hear, I feel vindicated and understood. I often automatically assume it is me, and need to remind myself that hearing can just be hard. I have to keep in mind that struggling to hear is not a failure. I need to give myself grace, let some things go, and keep trying.

other links:

https://www.valuehearing.com.au/news/why-cant-i-hear-in-restaurants