Acoustic neuromas can seem to arrive out of nowhere. It is common to have never heard of this type of brain tumor before someone you love is diagnosed. It can be really challenging to know how to support someone in that situation when you really have no frame of reference. My goal here is to give ideas and thoughts on ways to be a helpful support person when someone in your life is dealing with a brain tumor.

First of all, everyone is unique, and not all advice will be a fit for any one person. You may need to throw things at the wall and see what sticks. It’s definitely great to start by asking what you can do to help and asking what the person needs. That said, they may be completely overwhelmed themselves and unsure what would be beneficial. Hopefully, this gives you ideas of topics or types of things that may be beneficial. Also, some help may be better at different points in the timeline. Keep in mind that if a type of help isn’t useful now, it doesn’t mean it won’t be useful at some point in the journey.

• Give space to share thoughts and feelings. There is just a lot to process when you have to deal with a brain tumor. Having people in your life who will be there and listen is just a huge gift.
• Offer to help with  tasks and errands like picking up groceries or watching children. Going to the doctor can be a full-time job. Often, you can struggle with keeping up on all your daily chores. One example of this in my life was my mom and my sister cleaned my house while I was in the hospital for my brain surgery. It was a beautiful gift.
• Organize a meal train. No joke, the automotive repair shop I patronize organized my meal train (you can tell that I live in a tiny community). It truly was an amazing help, not having to worry about food for my family during my recovery.
• Give gift cards for gas or media. Expenses can rack up fast when you are undergoing a big medical situation. Gas gift cards always help. Also, an open-ended gift card you could use for some entertainment like music or a book can provide a little sparkle during recovery.
• Learn about what they are going through. Read this blog. Become a member of the Acoustic Neuroma Association and read their resources. Attend a caregiver support group. Educate yourself so you can do a good job of being there for them. Try not to assume what having a brain tumor means. It really varies by the diagnosis and specific person’s situation.
• Invite them to do something fun. Sometimes when life is steeped in medical drama you forget about joy. It is great to give opportunities to enjoy time with you, but also be understanding if they say no.
• Share resources. Feel free to do research and pass along the information, but remember that ultimately this is their body and their choice and focus on listening and being supportive rather than on convincing.

Lastly and most importantly, remember to take care of yourself. Seeing your loved one struggling with a brain tumor is just plain hard. If you want to be able to continue to support them, you have to remember to prioritize self care, too. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. Make sure you conserve some energy and resources for you. It won’t help anyone if you burn out as a caregiver. Caregiving is an arduous and important role. You have to take care of yourself to be able to continue helping others.