The other day, I attended a chair yoga class. I was in recovery from a recent abdominal surgery and was stair stepping my way back to my more normal workout regimen. A friendly lady near me struck up a conversation, asking me if I regularly attend this class. At first, I tried to prevaricate with general small talk. But this individual was feeling persistent, so eventually I told her that I had been attending chair yoga off and on throughout my four surgeries of the past year. Her shocked response was, “But you’re so young!”

This is far from the first time I have had someone express disbelief that I have experienced my share (or more than my share) of health problems. Sometimes it is the nurse assuming I can’t possibly need a hearing aid, or the chatty customer telling stories of their recent health woe with an aside that I can’t possibly know what a bad medical situation is like. I even had someone ask me if I was actually hard of hearing as the pin I was wearing said. People feel like they can make assumptions about your health just by looking at you and regularly share their false assumptions.

Even when you have a physical sign of your health issues, the general populace may not be understanding. Many people with acoustic neuromas struggle with balance. Some folks find the use of a cane or walker very beneficial, especially right after treatment. I have heard some very sad and frustrating comments made to young people using balance assitive devices.

The point of me sharing these stories is twofold. On the one hand, if you have felt judged and misunderstood as a young person struggling with your health, you are not alone. There are so many of us who have had these moments, too. We get it. It is so real. I am sorry it can feel so isolating, but your tribe is out there.

On the other hand, this is a friendly reminder of the term invisible disability. You can’t expect to be able to look and someone as truly know their health status. There is so much that can be going on that isn’t outwardly obvious. While health problems do tend to crop up with greater frequency at a later age, young people can and regularly do struggle with their health. Making blanket assumptions can be very hurtful for someone who is struggling through an awful medical situation. Please, always try to choose kindness.

While I wish the fact that I was young meant no health problems, I am grateful for a body that can heal. I am thankful for good doctors and access to medical care (even if it is frequently way too expensive). I choose to feel kindness and patience to those who express incredulity toward my health issues, knowing they want me to be living a full and happy life.

I have worked hard to become comfortable sharing the information I need with others. So these days, I don’t mind as much needing to tell someone I can not hear in one ear or that I need more light to help me balance. I feel more comfortable describing my needs to others.

I have read that one of the best ways to process trauma is to talk about it until it becomes less emotionally weighted, and I have really found that to be true in my life. The first time I ask for accommodation is really hard, but the tenth time feels like nothing. Planning in advance what to say and practicing responses has helped a lot, too. Not everyone needs the whole story. Sometimes, just the pertinent detail is the right amount.

I keep choosing to let insensitive comments roll off of me and keep on loving and maintaining my very much imperfect and young body. Somedays, I am frustrated or feel defeated by the parts that don’t function quite right. But my relationship with my body is a long-term relationship, so it’s one I am going to continue to put effort into maintaining.