In this day and age, I feel like everyone is trying to cram as much as possible into life. Maybe it’s just because I am a working mom with two busy young children, but I feel like multitasking is required just to make life work. I am certainly tempted to multitask regularly.

Before my acoustic neuroma diagnosis, I honestly often liked multitasking. I remember feeling proud of my ability to complete a work task while eavesdropping on my staff helping a customer. I could seamlessly step in when assitance was needed. It’s almost hard to imagine now, ten years post brain surgery.

I was honestly not prepared for how much my ability to multitask would be impacted by my acoustic neuroma diagnosis and treatment. Going into the situation, I had no frame of reference for what hearing loss would be like. I didn’t understand how changes to function would really weigh down the processing capacity of my brain.

One of the big changes was definitely the effort listening required after losing all my hearing in one ear. It is dramatic how much more processing capacity hearing now takes. It means that for someone with hearing loss, listening counts as an actual weighted activity. Whereas for a hearing individual, listening often is free or so low cost as to count for nothing. I now find that listening and doing one thing may be too much or may be the maximum I can do, depending on the amount of complexity and concentration required.

Another huge alteration was the focus required for my balance. My brain tumor grew on my vestibular nerve and as part of treatment that nerve was cut. I had to retrain my brain to figure out balance and my body’s position in space. Vestibular physical therapy helped immensely, but I still need to put focus and effort into my balance these days. My husband will laughingly tell me he can see that I am tired as I start getting very clumsy. Or if I am under the weather my balance is frequently worse.

All of this means to say that I am already multitasking most of the time by listening or by maintaining my balance. Add in a couple more tasks, such as cooking dinner, and suddenly my brain has a lot of different “applications” running simultaneously. It can quickly become too much, and I get overstimulated and crabby or maybe make small mistakes because it is overwhelming. I frequently find that I have just started tuning out the sound without intending to because my brain had to stop doing so many things.

At first, I was just frustrated that I couldn’t perform at my previous level. However, realizing the toll both balance and hearing take on my brain was very helpful. It meant that I could then make better decisions and plan my multitasking better. I also was able to do a better job of accepting my limitations and giving myself grace when I could see how hard my brain was truly working. Honestly, these days I am so impressed by how well my body has relearned balance. I delight in my body’s wins and victories, like taking up paddle board yoga. I am grateful for the brain’s ability to heal and learn new pathways.

I now try to be intentional and opt out of multitasking where I can. For example, instead of letting my kids share their day while I am trying to cook and not facing them, I ask them to tell their stories over the dinner table where I can focus and not multitask. I find I enjoy these conversations much more and do a better job as a mom. My children respond so well to having that focus and undivided attention from me.

I also attempt to budget when I do need to multitask, knowing that multitasking will mean greater fatigue later on. This type of budgeting is an ongoing learning process, and some days my guesses are better than others. Sometimes I do end up falling into the trap of assuming multitasking will increase efficiency rather than weighing out if it is actually the right choice at that moment. However, I continue to learn and adjust as time goes on. It’s not that I never multitask now, it’s more that my multitasking ability doesn’t stretch as far, and I’ll always pay for it.