I grew up amidst my family’s business. It was the sort of childhood where I got to meet new people all the time, and I learned top-notch social skills from a very young age. As a very extroverted child, I thrived in this people heavy environment. Constant new friends and opportunities to meet new people felt like paradise.

As I aged, I continued to be a people person. I remember feeling very mixed about having my own dorm room in college when I worked as a resident advisor. It was nice to have the space, but at times, it could get lonely for me. I was very aware that interactions with people recharged me and were a necessity for my well-being.

At age 27, I lost all my hearing in my left ear because of an acoustic neuroma brain tumor and the surgery to remove the tumor. In the space of a few months, I went from normal hearing to life with a significant hearing loss. Going down to only one functional ear changed a lot of social interactions for me. Because I don’t have two working ears to pick out the sound I am focusing on, hearing in situations with background noise became extremely draining. I have to focus hard to hear and still often miss things that are said in loud environments. The sound tends to blur into a cacophony.

Extroversion is typically described as when you recharge by spending time with people. Social interactions energize you. Once I lost hearing in one ear, suddenly, social interactions were very draining instead of recharging. I struggled with this sudden change and figuring out how to get the connection with people that I craved but not exhaust myself with listening fatigue.

At first, I worried I would have to substantially alter my life or sacrifice previous loves. But upon reflection and time spent trying things, I realized that my preference had never been for parties or very loud scenes. I have always enjoyed spending time with close friends more than a large group. I have learned that focusing on one on one time or small groups is much more rewarding than participating in a larger group, so that is where I focus my time and energy.

It took some time and experimentation for me to figure out situations and places that worked for me. This restaurant has much better acoustics, so I tend to meet my friends there. That event is really tiring, and the fun I would get won’t outweigh the fatigue. Strategy and planning have helped me get to a place where I have a decent idea if something would be enjoyable or exhausting (or maybe both, but the joy is enough to be worth the tiredness). I have also become much better about opting out of things I never enjoyed. I focus on budgeting my listening energy for when I get the best returns.

I also have spent time teaching my friends what I need to be successful in a social setting. These days they are wonderful about checking in with me before picking a place to get together. They absolutely let me pick my seat first. They practice good conversation hygiene (facing me, not covering their mouths, etc.) and are patient with me when I ask for them to repeat themselves. I have learned that it is easier to hear people I already know, as I am familiar with their voice and cadence and have a better ability to guess their conversation topics. I also have become a better self advocate, feeling more comfortable reminding friends what I need if they accidentally forget. As people have had one way of communicating for a very long time, it can be hard to change. In the same way I need grace from them for what I don’t hear, I need to give grace to my friends when they forget to use best practices for communicating.

After almost ten years of living with hearing loss, I am not really sure if I would label myself as an extrovert anymore. As people really are a spectrum, maybe these days I am more an ambivert (in the middle of extrovert and introvert). I still relish my people time and my connections, but I do need listening breaks frequently. I am definitely a people person, but I also adore the quiet moments that are much too infrequent in motherhood. I have come to a place where I am very comfortable with my social sphere and interactions. I make my social time count, focusing on quality over quantity. And I plan on the hearing fatigue that comes with socializing.