Hearing loss makes for a better conversation partner- that probably seems patently false. When hearing loss is mentioned, most people’s thoughts immediately jump to a person saying, “What?” I am not ignoring or gaslighting all the actual communications struggles that co-occur with hearing loss. I absolutely have to ask people to repeat themselves regularly. I do miss things. I ask my conversation partners to modify their behavior to make the conversation accessible. All of that is true. It is also true that my hearing loss has made me a better conversation partner.

Since I became deaf in one ear, I have found that listening has become a costly activity. While before I would constantly multitask while listening, I now find that just listening takes so much energy and bandwidth there are very few tasks I can do at the same time as listening and do both tasks well. That means that when someone starts to talk with me, I typically stop what I am doing so I can listen and also use my eyes for speech reading. The people that I communicate with feel appreciated because I am not doing a task or scrolling my phone while they talk. My lack of multitasking makes them feel valued.

On a similar vein, the amount of focus that I need to successfully listen means that people feel I am very engaged with what they are saying. I have become a very active listener, and I notice that even in situations like a crowd the speakers often like to look at me because I am so engaged. My children have commented that the amount of focus I give them makes them feel really loved. My husband has also mentioned that he really appreciates the attention. It’s lovely that my need to focus on the conversation can make others feel so good.

I have also become much more intentional with my conversation. Because it is so hard or taxing for me to hear in poor listening situations, I often will ask my family to wait to talk till I am ready to listen. A great example is when my child wants to share about her day while I am cooking and I ask that we wait till we are seated at the dinner table so I can both hear and see her. This intentionality makes for better in depth conversations instead of just throwaway comments and “mmhmms.” I find setting aside the time for chatting means we often get more than just the surface level comments like, “It was fine.”

In general, I think I just am more aware of conversation and I care more than I used to. Sometimes this may bleed over into pushing too hard (see https://luckybraintumor.com/2026/07/06/hearing-loss-and-hypervigilance/). But in general, I think knowing both the importance and the challenge of communicating with hearing loss, I put more energy and focus into it. I used to take talking for granted. I don’t anymore. I am extremely grateful for the hearing I do have. I am very aware of the friends and family who work hard to make conversation accessible for me- and I am so thankful for them. I highly value the socialization and connection. I have some serious FOMO (fear of missing out) that drives me to prioritize the conversation.

So, while hearing loss isn’t exactly an experience I would recommend or give a five star rating, I am grateful that some of the changes it brought to my life have led to improvements in my social connections. I think attention, focus, and intentional time are wonderful gifts to give the people that we care about. I am so glad I have realized their worth.